empression | Jigoku Inbox;

The skills I've picked up aren't that good elsewhere, aside from my botched Japanese.

(oh, haru. it's definitely an 'unfortunately', you're talking to someone who loathes himself. there he goes, please don't freak out.)

I was raised by a woman after that. A pimp - who really likes young boys. She taught me how to thrive like that. That's why my age and name are things I dislike disclosing, I'm sure if you dig through this place, you'll find enough - they seem to know everything, anyway. I don't mind it being known, but I like having the choice of saying it when I feel like it, and being so young, I would rather not get a headache from it.

[ Haru is quiet as she listens. Her expression has slid back into a more subdued and neutral gaze, so she's not flinching or gasping or making shocked noises or bursting into tears, just silently processing the information as he speaks it.

... It doesn't mean she feels calm or composed, though, and as she rests her hands on her knees, she's white-knuckled. At least it's under the table. ]

To make sure I have this correctly... you performed sexual favors in order to get by?

Yep, exactly.

(although sexual favors makes it sound somewhat childish, to him. he wasn't doing anyone any favors, it was a job. a job he put a lot of effort into, very seriously as he could. kept a roof over his head.)

[ This is just Haru trying to phrase it as delicately as possible, okay. ]

Do you... still feel as though you need to do that here?

The person I got to benefit from my contract here wouldn't be happy if I did, so I'm refraining from it.

(hachi has already asked him to stop, and then he went and got himself arrested, so. it's the very least he can do.)

[ She thinks it'd probably be better if he himself said he didn't want to do it, but she isn't actually his mother, and it seems as though this person he'd mentioned is important enough for Shin to want to avoid upsetting them. Even hypothetically. ]

I'm glad to hear that... truly, I am. It sounds as though you've been through... an incredible amount.

(she'll never hear it, honestly. the way he sees it, he could really be rich here. he's good at what he did, perfectly practiced.

not at the risk of upsetting hachi, though.)

Just enough for me to be stubborn and tell you I'll really be fine. It's wasted worry on me, really, so even if I don't come home for days, you should know I'm alright unless I say otherwise, okay?

... That's the thing, I... I'm not sure you would say something to me if you weren't fine.

[ Especially with how he hadn't wanted to say anything when he'd realized she was upset. ]

So I'll also have to stand my ground here, Shin-kun-- I'm going to worry. I'm always going to worry, because I care, and if I don't hear from you for several days, I'll reach out myself.

... If that's the conclusion you've come to, I suppose there's little I can do to change your mind.

(still going to die saying he isn't worth all the worry, but he's sure it's only going to prolong her upsetness, which he isn't on the table for him right now. at least, with the new information, it seems she's forgotten he barely eats.)

... I'm sorry that I worry you.

I'm afraid I'm fairly stubborn. [ with an apologetic but somehow still unyielding smile. ]

... And as such, I'm equally afraid I'll have to request you eat at least a little more for your meals. I'm sure even if you do grow taller, you'll still be very cute. I'll even, ah... vouch for you? Being adorable?

[ SOMEHOW. ]

... It's more... Than that, really.

(it's because ryoko wouldn't want him anymore. he knows she's a wolf in sheep's skin, he's always known. after all, the sheer level of bad things he's learned under her roof should tell him as such, and they do.

... he can't bring himself to hate the one person who cared for him when no one had till then, though. it's that sad.)

Are you going to tell me about your dad now that I've told you way too much?

(it's only fair, haru!!!)

... I can explain the situation, but there are still some things I'm unable to talk about. Is that all right?

I'm in no position to push you to talk, am I?

[ With a little smile. ]

No. But it's just because it's not just my secret to keep.

It's called mutual destruction, Haru-chan. I've been lying through my teeth to everyone. I tell your secret, you can also open your mouth and paint me as a liar around. You can trust me, because I'm not stupid to risk it.

Why would I ever--

[ pardon. She looks aghast. ]

(the sigh that leaves him... a hand goes to the top of her head, gently caressing it. she's too nice to be in this place. he needs to look out for her. at least someone needs to be malicious in this household when they're in hell.)

I'm not saying you would. You're too good a person, but I'm not that great, and this place functions just like my brain. It's just easy to give you that certainty because you certainly could, and should, take precautions to preserve yourself in the face of anything in this place.

(and she can rest assured that if she doesn't, he will on her behalf.)

I... does that really have to be the kind of way I protect myself, though? By betraying the trust of the people around me? Or even thinking about it?

[ she's drooping, beneath his hand. ]

I don't know. It's how I'll protect myself, and I'm sure others would be the same. It's up to you how you want to deal with this place, after all - but all I ask is that you have a little bit more malice. Not everyone here is nice. Not even myself.

... I'll save my malice for the people who deserve it. But as far as I'm concerned, Shin-kun, you aren't one of them.

If I tell your secrets, wouldn't I be deserving of it?

If you told my secrets, I would probably think you had some good reason to say them in the first place. I don't think you're the type to say them to others without a good reason, with all the care you've taken with me. Even now.

... Then do you trust me? If you do and still wish to remain quiet, I don't blame you. If you don't-- that's fine, too. I'm just here.

I do trust you, I just...

... It's so...

[ hngh. ]

Quite honestly, I'm not sure you would believe me.

... You can try me.

Or we can skip it and talk about it some other time, mhm? Whatever's best for you.

(remember when shin told her he sucks but also he says shit like this)

(no subject)

empression - 2022-08-07 20:12 (UTC) - Expand